It still hurts so much

Destiny and I a year ago

When will it not hurt so much anymore? When will the tears stop flowing when I’m wide awake late at night? When will I be able to come home and not feel the extreme hurt when she’s not there to greet me, with the other dogs? 

She was so much more than a dog. She was a major part of our family. I remember the day we got her, just as vividly as I remember the births of my human babies.  

I also remember the feel of that tumor, the sounds she made when breathing, the way she had such a hard time moving around….

I remember everything.  I still hear the noises she made, from time to time.

It’s hard to feel this much sadness, all the time. Often trying to hide just how sad I feel. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever been through, and I’m still trying to get through it. I’m just not doing a very good job of it yet I guess.